Big Papi discusses the newest Red Sox vintage. Bartolo Robusto!

“Pardon me”, Clemens! Does the President have a new nickname for The Rocket?

Despite his new VINTAGE PAPI the slugger says his island home is “No Country for Wine”!

At the plate, the Mannyiac gets in touch with his inner “Bad Manny”.

You know you’ve made it big time when you have a butt double!

An emotional Big Papi, his heart heavier than Youkilis’ chin, reveals his hitting woes.

Look up the word relativity in a “Papel-apedia”, and you’ll find a genius theory of contract negotiations!

Big Papi’s hitting slump, and Papelbon’s (body double) butt-slapping donut commercial have caused the local media to criticise the practice of endorsements as distracting to Red Sox player performance. But these financial extras are necessary to keep up with obscene salaries that larger cities and teams can pay their players, such as the dreaded Yankees. If Boston sports heroes like Ortiz and Tom Brady are encouraged to take a hometown discount at contract time, their ads should be seen as a welcome reward from local businesses, and also confirmation that we are winning championships!

When Manny isn’t being Manny, he sets fiscal policy and oversees a vast financial system!

The Mississippi dance machine squares off against SonofaSteinbrenner!